Success is Launched in Winter – Part 4

2 03 2011

 

 

 

Sessions with the Farmer’s Wife:
Conventional Wisdom for Contemporary Life

February 18, 1984:  In afternoon, Jim and Karla went to Selmer and Ann to look at the 2 houses. Their conclusion was that they would like to live in the larger one.
February 20, 1984: John and I had noon lunch with Selmer & Ann & presented them an offer on their property on the corner a mile east. They will be considering it further.        – Leona, Personal Journal

Jim installed laminate in much of our house

I hope you’ve been making good use of the many Winter days that have clipped by since I last wrote.  Although I had hoped to give you a few days to contemplate and make use of the earlier entries, I never intended for it to be nearly two months!  Jim and I really made the most of this actual Winter season in that we refurbished much of our house in preparation of selling it; we looked at other houses and made an offer on a short sale; we took a week-long vacation to Jamaica; and we’ve been helping with long-distance wedding plans for Anthony and Corinne who will be married in 10 days!  So although there has been no time for writing, we have been truly practicing what we preach.  And since most old photographs are packed away in a big blue trailer in hopes of moving, I’ll share some of our latest pictures instead.

Jim & I scuba diving off Jamaica

I originally mentioned 5 components to launching success.  They are:
        1. Reflect
        2. Evaluate
        3. Investigate
        4. Plan
        5. Prepare
My family has been weaving in and out of all of these phases with the various projects we’ve been making.  Today’s focus is on stages 3 & 4, Investigate and Plan. 

Leona’s journal entries are from 1984, the year Jim and I were married.  With our firstborn son’s wedding only moments away, it seems curious and appropriate that we revisit the year we were married.  Our wedding was April 14.  In February — the dates of these entries — Jim and I were at Iowa State University working on our degrees.  When we completed college in May, we planned to return to Jim’s family’s farm and begin our life there.  In order for that to happen, Jim’s parents were investigating options for us to live.  The housing market in Iowa — unlike what we face here in Colorado Springs — is really quite limited, so for there to be an acreage just a mile down the road available at this moment in time was quite fortunate.   That acreage is still owned by the farm corporation, although both of the houses that we looked at in 1984 are gone and Leona lives there in a house she and John built in the 1990s.

If you could peruse the Winter months in Leona’s other journals, you would read again and again of the farmers investigating and planning.  Winter is when the seed dealers host dinners to inform the farmers of the new seed varieties that are available for planting.  There are negotiations for buying and renting land, and also for doing custom farm work.  Machinery shows display the newest and the best of what they have to offer, as well as presenting the latest inventions to make farming more efficient.  Indoor arenas are swamped with swarms of Carhartt-clad farm families attending the annual farm exhibition demonstrating everything from the latest farm-focused computer programs to quarter million dollar combines.  All of these activities are the investigation and planning processes that are really only appropriate for Winter.  Once Spring planting hits, there are no farm shows.  You don’t have time to be buying and selling land or houses either; it would be foolishness.  But Winter, much can be learned and discovered in Winter.  Lives can change if you use the Winter of your life well.

How do these investigating and planning phases translate into real life?  First off, you need to make a few decisions about where you’re heading or at least choose some options of what you’re interested in doing.  Farmers farm, of course, so there’s a default that already provides direction for them.  But farming is very broad.  Will you raise livestock?  What crops will you plant?  Do you want to do custom work or have someone rent your land?  Many people get discouraged because they aren’t going anywhere, but if you ask them where they want to go, they have no idea.  Think of how discouraging it would be for a farmer to get to early June — a time considered nearly too late to plant — and have all bare fields because he never stopped in Winter to consider what he wanted to do with his land.  He would be laughed at by everyone.  And if no one bailed him out somehow, he likely would have no income or food for an entire year.  The same is true for those of us who are of the none-farming variety.  If you don’t have a place you intend to go, you won’t get there.  Guaranteed.

Paths of Choices

I give clients the simple arrows diagram you see here, Paths of Choices. (Click here for a .pdf version: Paths of Choices (WhiteArrows).)  The goal is to start at the top — the Results.  Decide where you want to go.  Once you determine your goal, go back to the bottom and determine, step-by-step, how to get there.  You see there is both a Foolish Choices Path and a Wise Choices Path.  Sometimes realizing where we’re heading with the foolish decisions we make will help us discover where we really want to go.  All along the Wise Choices Path, a person should investigate and gain new knowledge and information.  Just like with farming, things are always changing; there are always new options, but just because the option is “new” doesn’t mean it is actually “wise.” 

What looked to be a long, cold, dreary Winter is nearly over!  Make use of these last few days of cold, snow-laden Winter to get your mind and heart and life in order.  I’m hearing reports of robins!  They’ll be showing up in your life soon enough, too!

Grain of Truth: Don’t be deceived by Winter’s final cold days!  There are plenty of information to investigate and direction to decide before the planting days arrive!


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Categories : Daily Living, Preparation, Season, Success

Success is Launched in Winter – Part 1

30 12 2010

Sessions with the Farmer’s Wife:
Conventional Wisdom for Contemporary Life

January 2, 1991:  Colder and snowing when we got up. -4°. We got about 4 inches of snow. Rest of day was clear and it did warm up some.  Had Jim, Karla and boys over for noon meal and we discussed salaries, etc.  I dressed in snowsuit and walked 1 mile.  – Leona, Personal Journal

The Winter of your life has been around for a while now and this morning, you wake up only to find it’s colder than yesterday and there’s 4 more inches of snow piled on your already frozen field.  It’s one of those experiences when you think it can’t get any worse…and then it does.  How will you ever accomplish anything when everything seems to go against you?  Should you go back to bed, pull the quilt over your head and hope you sleep until it’s over?  Not at all!  Remember we’re embracing Winter and gaining wisdom about living life better during this season.  If you go back to bed, you’ll miss out on the “rest of day was clear and it did warm up some.”  Besides, although the ground is too cold and hard to plant seeds, success is launched in winter.

New Year’s comes in the dead of winter, encouraging contemplation and resolutions.  This is the perfect moment to pour a cup of tea, grab a notebook and pen, and find a quiet, comfortable place to think.  In the farming days, we would sit down at the kitchen table (furnished with Norwegian cookies and Tropical Punch Kool-Aid) to discuss what decisions we made last year, which ones worked, which ones didn’t, what new options are available, what old ideas we’re going back to….hours worth of discussions, including, as Leona’s journal mentions, salaries and finances.  The immobilizing sub-zero weather outside had no effect on what was happening on the inside where it was safe, warm and full of deliberations and expectations of returning life.  Brainstorming was at full throttle!

These dialogues included several categories, all of which are applicable to contemporary life.  They are:
        1. Reflect
        2. Evaluate
        3. Investigate
        4. Plan
        5. Prepare

The next few blogs will walk through each of these topics, assisting this season of contemplation that New Year’s brings.  Gaining insight and making beneficial, efficient, healthy resolutions and plans are our goals.  It’s a good thing winter is long because we’re going to need some time to do this well.  After all, launching success is what winter is all about.

Grain of Truth: Cookies and Kool-Aid are perfect partners with New Year’s and Winter to plan for the future!


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Categories : Daily Living, Season, Success

Christmas Spirituality

24 12 2010

Sessions with the Farmer’s Wife:
Conventional Wisdom for Contemporary Life

December 24, 1984: We went to program in church in the evening. The kids did well – the musical “Three Wee Kings” went quite well. It had been a lot of work for Karla. After the program, Jim and Karla asked us over. Karla’s folks and sister Karen came for the program too and we all had a nice visit.

December 25, 1984: John and I went to church in the morning. A clear sunny day. B & S came over early afternoon and Jim and Karla also came a bit later. We had a good time together playing games etc. John and I called B & N just before noon.  – Leona, Personal Journal

It’s Christmas Eve and, no matter the weather, the temperature, or the wind chill, farm work ceases come Christmas Eve. On Thanksgiving, one may need to rush from the turkey and pie, out to the corn field to do some late season combining. Independence Day may be interrupted with some weed destruction. But not tonight. Christmas is about spiritual things, as Leona’s entries so clearly capture, and this moment is to be aware of, respect and practice positive spirituality.

The very nature and nomenclature of Christmas directs our thoughts to the birth of Jesus, God’s only son, in a smelly barn with curious happenings of angels and, eventually, Wise Men following a star to find and bring gifts to this child. Spirituality certainly encompasses our relationship with God, Himself, and spirituality comprises interactions with ourselves, others, and even the world around us. Some folks respond to the mention of spirituality with, “I’m just not a spiritual person,” which seems to be rather paradoxically improbable. It would be similar to someone announcing, “I don’t speak.” You just did. Every moment of our life is a spiritual moment, one way or the other, for better or for worse. It doesn’t go away simply because we ignore it.

My farmer & my mom making a "spiritual connection" through the giving & receiving of a John Deere tractor mailbox (1993)

Many issues that bring clients to my office are some rendition of a spiritual disconnect. Diagnoses such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), agoraphobia, personality disorders and others often have a component of spiritual calamity. J. Eric Gentry, PhD, LMHC (www.compassionunlimited.com), a knowledgeable and highly respected traumatologist, indicates that “burn-out” is indeed a spiritual crisis. If you consider a “spiritual crisis” to be an obstruction with your relationship to God, others, yourself, and/or the world around you, this accurate assessment is more clearly evident. Once we sift through all of our ideas and teachings and miscommunications about religion and beliefs systems, spirituality is a foundational and vital life component of which to be more aware in order to practice better “health.”

When I worked at the inpatient behavioral health unit, otherwise known as the psychiatric hospital, I acquired a handout about spirituality that cuts to the chase – no matter your doctrinal beliefs.

Spirituality is about being:
        • Positive and creative in all areas of my life
        • Loving and forgiving of myself and others
        • Open and welcoming of others’ opinions and views
        • Clear and committed about “walking my talk”
        • Hopeful and filled with gratitude in the face of my challenges
        • Bold and strong as I face my fears
        • Gracious and humble as I acknowledge my need for support of
                others and of my Higher Power
        • Alert and aware that there is a Power much greater than myself
                that is guiding the universe
        • Connected and attuned to this Divine Source
        • Mindful and perceptive of my need to seek purpose and meaning
                in life
        • Willing and able to give and receive love
        • Committed and disciplined in my work to stay physically,
                emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy
                                                        — Author Unknown

During this spiritual moment, I encourage you to set aside some time to intentionally and honestly evaluate your spirituality, to consider your life practices through the lens of these ideas as they pertain to your relationship with:
        1) yourself
        2) others
        3) the world around you (e.g., are you considering the effect you
                leave?)
        4) God

Merry Christmas from the Ver Meers!

If discussion of spiritual concepts is of further interest to you, you may enjoy my upcoming website and blog called Soul Safety. I’ll post a link when those are available. Here, we’ll talk more about the importance of using this winter season to evaluate and analyze where we are and how we got here, but for now, enjoy the spiritual moment we are experiencing, and have a Merry Christmas!

Grain of Truth: Life is spiritual.


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Categories : Agoraphobia, Burn-out, Daily Living, Mental Health Concerns, Personality Disorders, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Season

Seasons with Strength

21 12 2010

Sessions with the Farmer’s Wife:
Conventional Wisdom for Contemporary Life

December 2, 2005: Only 2 degrees this morning. Shortly after noon I went out to shovel snow off the front driveway. It had been snowing for a while and it was beginning to blow more. I had wanted to go to town but thought it not wise. Snow continued all afternoon.  – Leona, Personal Journal

Jim, Me & Our Yahoos

I want to discuss this Victory Garden of Life idea further, but let’s do that a little later on.  Right now, it’s winter on the farm, which is something I don’t want you to miss out on.  In my real-time life, I presently live a pseudo-city routine as a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado Springs.  My husband Jim is an Administrator of a home health care agency, and our 4 children — Anthony, Marcus, Andrea and Jozlyn – are old enough to motate themselves around life and even get married in March.  We officially moved from our family farm in 1997, but have continued to wander back-and-forth there for work and play throughout the years.  In order to remind me of the day-by-day activities of farm life, my mother-in-law graciously loaned me her yearly journals that have brief, yet valuable, remarks about each day’s events since as early as 1965.  I have a dozen years’ worth of entries – sessions with another true farmer’s wife – in my possession and will include one in the opening of each blog, just as I did today.  My purpose in doing so is to add authentic agricultural ambience to these reflections and, as I said, right now – it’s winter on the Iowa farm.

No Fieldwork Today

Winter is a curious season of life. Have you ever really looked at the deciduous trees during the winter months, how about the garden remains or the frozen tundra once known as a bean field?  Be honest now, if you didn’t have years of experience with winter turning to spring, would you really expect these brown, barren twigs to ever show signs of life again?  If you stepped onto a snow-covered field – especially during a mighty blizzard — with no knowledge of the seasons of farming, could you seriously recommend that a person invest an entire year’s wages on the bet that something will grow there?  It’s preposterous.

Winter Season

Winter comes in our personal lives, too.  Most often, we interfere with winters.  We don’t allow the cold, barren days, weeks and months to even exist.  We somehow think every day must be a hot, humid July day that grows the corn tall and full.  That must be true success!  But it’s not so.  When we try to work in cold, hard, frozen ground, we bust our equipment on that solid tundra.  We return to The Yard (which is the where the farmer lives and stores all of his farm equipment, supplies and family), frustrated and disappointed because nothing worked like we planned.

Leona’s entry today is a perfect example of this idea.  She had a plan.  But Winter had a plan that was bigger than hers.  She could have frankly said, “I planned to go to town (which is an event where The Farmer’s Wife drives several miles to a populated area in order to gather groceries and “run” all of her errands), and I will indeed go to town!”  But she “thought it not wise”; she has lived with Winter long enough to know that Winter is bigger than she is and sometimes it is best to work with the elements and not try to defy them.  Wisdom understands and respects the seasons, a skill that promotes mental health and adds strength to living.

Grain of Truth: Embrace winter (or any season of life for that matter) for a season with strength.


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Categories : Daily Living, Season

Victory Garden

20 12 2010

Sessions with the Farmer’s Wife:
Conventional Wisdom for Contemporary Life

My younger sister, Karen, the psychologist, recommended I plant a garden for therapeutic purposes.  What she meant was, Get off the phone; stop obsessing and go do something productive that will take your mind off of the craziness around you.  Having lived in Colorado for nearly 12 years, I wasn’t thrilled with the idea.  After growing any number of seeds – some intentionally, some not so intentionally – all of my previous life in Iowa, I had given up on ever watching any fruit or vegetable actually reach fruition in my Black Forest (the name itself threatens any plant’s determination) yard.  But since my sanity, not vegetative productivity, was the goal, I deemed her suggestion worth the investment.

I remember Dad asking me to water the garden. I also remember him explaining I needed to soak the garden, not just sprinkle it. He's ended up watering his own garden for years now.

Not only did the garden’s consistent demand for attention distract my thoughts to better places, it also reminded me of the farming wisdom many folks (including me!) had abandoned.  As I dug through the dirt, remarks and phrases unfolded in my brain waves, thoughts simple and profound and much needed for acquiring and preserving sanity.  How had I wandered off the row?  Was the sparkle and the glitter of the city life so enticing I forgot my roots?  No more!  I determined.  Once a farm girl, always a farm girl; no more penthouse living as the life for me!  (Anyone remember Green Acres?)

The garden idea grew – in my yard and in my head.  I carried it to my office where I shared my psychological bounty with clients – healthy, flavorful treats from my own black dirt and elbow grease, from my very own Victory Garden! 

Every day, Leona's mother would take a glass of cool water to her husband when he came in with the horses from the field.

Curious, isn’t it, how much those farmers knew without a single college degree?  My grandparents managed all of their lives, their families, and their relationships with only an eighth grade education.  When the country needed their help to aid the efforts of World War II, they had the life skills; they knew how to plant a Victory Garden.  They knew how to farm – the flow of the seasons, the days, the crops, the insects, the moon and the stars, working hard, then playing hard – and that significantly equipped them for success in life. 

Could it be significant for you?  Might it restore some perspective, some respect for truths that cannot be “spun”?  If so, I invite you to spend this crop year with the Farmer’s Wife, where the dirt is black, the work is rewarding, and the food is home grown.

Grain of Truth: It’s time to get back to the wisdom of the farm.


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Categories : Daily Living, Distract, Mindfulness