Success is Launched in Winter – Part 4

2 03 2011

 

 

 

Sessions with the Farmer’s Wife:
Conventional Wisdom for Contemporary Life

February 18, 1984:  In afternoon, Jim and Karla went to Selmer and Ann to look at the 2 houses. Their conclusion was that they would like to live in the larger one.
February 20, 1984: John and I had noon lunch with Selmer & Ann & presented them an offer on their property on the corner a mile east. They will be considering it further.        – Leona, Personal Journal

Jim installed laminate in much of our house

I hope you’ve been making good use of the many Winter days that have clipped by since I last wrote.  Although I had hoped to give you a few days to contemplate and make use of the earlier entries, I never intended for it to be nearly two months!  Jim and I really made the most of this actual Winter season in that we refurbished much of our house in preparation of selling it; we looked at other houses and made an offer on a short sale; we took a week-long vacation to Jamaica; and we’ve been helping with long-distance wedding plans for Anthony and Corinne who will be married in 10 days!  So although there has been no time for writing, we have been truly practicing what we preach.  And since most old photographs are packed away in a big blue trailer in hopes of moving, I’ll share some of our latest pictures instead.

Jim & I scuba diving off Jamaica

I originally mentioned 5 components to launching success.  They are:
        1. Reflect
        2. Evaluate
        3. Investigate
        4. Plan
        5. Prepare
My family has been weaving in and out of all of these phases with the various projects we’ve been making.  Today’s focus is on stages 3 & 4, Investigate and Plan. 

Leona’s journal entries are from 1984, the year Jim and I were married.  With our firstborn son’s wedding only moments away, it seems curious and appropriate that we revisit the year we were married.  Our wedding was April 14.  In February — the dates of these entries — Jim and I were at Iowa State University working on our degrees.  When we completed college in May, we planned to return to Jim’s family’s farm and begin our life there.  In order for that to happen, Jim’s parents were investigating options for us to live.  The housing market in Iowa — unlike what we face here in Colorado Springs — is really quite limited, so for there to be an acreage just a mile down the road available at this moment in time was quite fortunate.   That acreage is still owned by the farm corporation, although both of the houses that we looked at in 1984 are gone and Leona lives there in a house she and John built in the 1990s.

If you could peruse the Winter months in Leona’s other journals, you would read again and again of the farmers investigating and planning.  Winter is when the seed dealers host dinners to inform the farmers of the new seed varieties that are available for planting.  There are negotiations for buying and renting land, and also for doing custom farm work.  Machinery shows display the newest and the best of what they have to offer, as well as presenting the latest inventions to make farming more efficient.  Indoor arenas are swamped with swarms of Carhartt-clad farm families attending the annual farm exhibition demonstrating everything from the latest farm-focused computer programs to quarter million dollar combines.  All of these activities are the investigation and planning processes that are really only appropriate for Winter.  Once Spring planting hits, there are no farm shows.  You don’t have time to be buying and selling land or houses either; it would be foolishness.  But Winter, much can be learned and discovered in Winter.  Lives can change if you use the Winter of your life well.

How do these investigating and planning phases translate into real life?  First off, you need to make a few decisions about where you’re heading or at least choose some options of what you’re interested in doing.  Farmers farm, of course, so there’s a default that already provides direction for them.  But farming is very broad.  Will you raise livestock?  What crops will you plant?  Do you want to do custom work or have someone rent your land?  Many people get discouraged because they aren’t going anywhere, but if you ask them where they want to go, they have no idea.  Think of how discouraging it would be for a farmer to get to early June — a time considered nearly too late to plant — and have all bare fields because he never stopped in Winter to consider what he wanted to do with his land.  He would be laughed at by everyone.  And if no one bailed him out somehow, he likely would have no income or food for an entire year.  The same is true for those of us who are of the none-farming variety.  If you don’t have a place you intend to go, you won’t get there.  Guaranteed.

Paths of Choices

I give clients the simple arrows diagram you see here, Paths of Choices. (Click here for a .pdf version: Paths of Choices (WhiteArrows).)  The goal is to start at the top — the Results.  Decide where you want to go.  Once you determine your goal, go back to the bottom and determine, step-by-step, how to get there.  You see there is both a Foolish Choices Path and a Wise Choices Path.  Sometimes realizing where we’re heading with the foolish decisions we make will help us discover where we really want to go.  All along the Wise Choices Path, a person should investigate and gain new knowledge and information.  Just like with farming, things are always changing; there are always new options, but just because the option is “new” doesn’t mean it is actually “wise.” 

What looked to be a long, cold, dreary Winter is nearly over!  Make use of these last few days of cold, snow-laden Winter to get your mind and heart and life in order.  I’m hearing reports of robins!  They’ll be showing up in your life soon enough, too!

Grain of Truth: Don’t be deceived by Winter’s final cold days!  There are plenty of information to investigate and direction to decide before the planting days arrive!


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Success is Launched in Winter – Part 2

2 01 2011

Sessions with the Farmer’s Wife:
Conventional Wisdom for Contemporary Life

January 2, 1993:  Cloudy morning with brisk south breeze. I was dizzy and somewhat nauseated when I got up. John climbed up on the roof to check sewer vent and found it to be plugged. Aired house out well. Kind of wondered if there might have been a connection. Feeling much better by noon.  – Leona, Personal Journal

Leona’s journal entry for the day may seem a little odd in our discussion, and yet I find it to be a perfect example of real life problem solving, which includes our first two topics for launching success: 1) reflect, and 2) evaluate. We can’t be certain, Leona isn’t even certain, but it is quite possible that because of her reflection and evaluation (followed by John’s investigation and action) that quite a problem was averted and “productivity” was maintained. These are exactly what Winter times of contemplation are all about.

My farmers need to use their reflecting and evaluating skills.

It is rather difficult to reflect, or review the past, without simultaneously evaluating the events and decisions we’ve made. Care need be taken during this process, otherwise it is easy for some folks to critique their past with the 20/20 vision they have at the present. I once heard a counselor friend say that it is unfair to judge our past assessments with our present knowledge. We make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time. We all would have made different choices if we knew the exact results and how every situation would play out. We simply don’t have that luxury.

During the reflection and evaluation process, a farmer critiques a countless number of factors:
        *What brand and type of seed did I use?
        *Should I tile that wet spot on the East Quarter?
        *Was it the herbicide burning the beans that cut productivity?
        *Was the combine running efficiently enough or is it time to trade
                 it in?
        *Do I have enough cash flow to invest in a new piece of ground or
                 equipment or a hired hand?
        *Did I market my grain at a good time or did the prices improve later?
        *Will we get the hail we got last year and was I foolish to not
                have insurance?
The list is literally endless – and oftentimes exhausting. Now you have an idea of what keeps a farmer awake at night!

We have similar questions to ask, answer and evaluate in our worlds.
        *Is this the job for me or should I find something I love to do, even
                if I don’t get paid as much?
        *What more can I do to help my kids succeed, or am I doing too much
                for them?
        *Which friends have proven themselves faithful and a positive
                 influence in my life? Are there some from whom I should
                distance myself?
        *I’ve lost the same 3 pounds 20 times; do I really want to keep
                up that cycle?
        *Is the world around me really as vicious as I interpret it to be or
                are there some things about me that need some attention?
Again, once we get started, another endless list.

Different action plans for the same problem. (That's Anthony tunneling!)

Although this contemplation and reflection process is vital to a successful life, this can work against you if you’re not aware.  Sometimes we start wishing for “the good ol’ times” and derail ourselves from moving forward. We also tend to “bite off more than we can chew.” (Wow, almost too many adages!) However, my biggest concern is shame.

Dictionary.com offers a definition of shame as “the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.” Shame can be an immobilizing force that prevents one from being able to evaluate clearly, and thus, makes one unable to move forward successfully. One of the difficulties of shame is that it may be an accurate indicator that something needs to be changed, or it may be a completely inaccurate sensation that must be eradicated, much like a noxious weed. It is oftentimes ingrained in a person from a very young age, either from parents’ remarks and behaviors (intentional or not) or by the child interpreting events without adequate feedback or understanding. For example, a child of divorced parents may have either been told that he was responsible for the divorce or, because of his inability to comprehend adult interactions, may have taken that responsibility – and the resulting shame – on by his own accord.

I encourage you, as you reflect and evaluate during this New Year, to review your life and your choices from an adult – almost detached – vantage point. Sort through things as if you have been invited to look into someone else’s life in order to give recommendations. Tease out what it “feels like” happened versus what truly occurred. Have you participated in something that brought you shame? If so, stop it – or enlist someone to help you stop — and, as our Christmas Spirituality blog discussed, forgive yourself. If the shame that you live in is not truly your shame to be responsible for, it is time to set yourself free.

This difficult topic is addressed in several great books that you can find online. I recommend the following:

        * Healing the Shame That Binds You
                John Bradshaw
        * Shame and Grace: Healing the Shame We Don’t Deserve
                Lewis B. Smedes
        * Shame and Guilt: Masters of Disguise
                Jane Middelton-Moz

This time of contemplation is not something in which to get utterly bogged down or overwhelmed. Although there may be some difficult ideas to revisit and reframe, we are using the Winter to plan and prepare for life. Just as Leona’s entry describes, if we discover a problem, we’ll take action to correct it, then move forward in our day-to-day adventures!

Grain of Truth: Reflecting and evaluating life is often best accomplished from a somewhat detached, logical vantage point.


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